Why This Black Activist Is Open to A Non-Black Partner

“Perhaps its most revolutionary to let Black people love whoever they want.”

When the world lost revolutionary icon Nikki Giovanni, many of us learned that one of the most heralded voices of the Black Arts Movement had been married to Virginia C. Fowler, a white woman.

Her choice of partner has sparked a conversation about interracial dating online, as some Black people — in one form or another—revive the age-old question:

Why do so many Black activists choose non-Black partners?

I’ve appreciated reading and hearing respected Black women discuss this question online. They offer countless facets worth considering: including the impact of spatial mismatches with Black communities, anti-Black desirability politics, and internalized anti-Blackness. I particularly appreciated Franchesca Ramsey and Lovette Jallow sharing their eye-opening experiences.

We need this plethora of perspectives to challenge the reductionistic notion that there’s only one reason a Black person would choose a non-Black partner: self-hate. They should also help us overcome the lie that you can’t be serious about Black liberation if you don’t marry a Black person.

But I’m not writing here to defend interracial relationships, nor to explain why some Black people are open to them. I’m writing to add one more facet to ponder on this subject, from my personal experience as a Black, male human rights advocate.

My reason for being open to interracial partnership has more to do with patriarchy than it has to do with race.

Before I explain that I have to acknowledge how audacious it must come off for a Black male to make the statement above, considering the rates of domestic violence and femicide in the Black community. So, before saying any more, I acknowledge that the problem of patriarchy in the Black community will best solved by dealing with its primary perpetrators: Black men.

But this isn’t a blog to “call out” patriarchy in the Black community at large. It’s an attempt to share my personal experience, and explore one factor of how a Black male advocate…